Lost in Corn: GPS Optional

I so could have done the whole "It's a-maize-ing!" route, but damn I'm tired of that cliche.

In November, I made my third sojourn to Hondo, Texas. A small blip of a town, with the local high school mascot of Owls, and the notoriety of having a corn maze and some mighty fine kettle corn.

The South Texas Maize is easily one of the best family attractions one can find in the greater San Antonio area. Due to it's growing nature, they are only open September 25 to November 28 (at least that was the case this year).

The short of it? It's a big ass maze made in a corn field (though there isn't any actual corn growing in said field...). There are other attractions as well, including hay-rides, tractor trains for little ones, foods of the fried and barbecued type, play areas, and damn good freshly made kettle corn.

When you park, it is in the middle of a roped-off pasture. You walk over to a red building, pay admission, and get your wristband. As it is entirely open air, you are immediately hit with the smells of a clean pasture and comfort foods galore. Hamburgers, brisket, and turkey legs whet your appetite, deep fried steak fries tempt your greasy inhibitions, and chili to be laden upon your choice of foods all beckon your hunger. Beverages are your typical sodas and such (no beer, as this is strictly a family oriented joint), but the pièce de résistance is the kettle corn. Freshly made in a large iron kettle with propane tanks spewing hot flames, your typical wait is about fifteen minutes. They write your name on bags that are longer than your arms (for a large...only $7) and proclaim your name when your order is ready. The process of making the corn itself is one worth sitting back and taking in. The art behind it rewards your palate when the kernels hit your tongue.

But the main attraction: the maze. I've only done the maze at night, so I can't speak about how it is during the day. Pitch black, you provide the light. My first year, I had only a small cell phone with a 1.5" square screen. Needless to say, I found the nearest couple to follow and stayed with them. This year, six flashlights, two lanterns,a bag of popcorn in hand, and a posse in tow, I bring a copy of the current image/design/maze and map out my turns (past maps are posted here). Call it cheating; I hate being lost. The rest of the crew enjoy going through the maze without any problems. There are checkpoint throughout the entire maze. At those checkpoints, you can use the clues provided at the entrance (they have clues for various categories including movies, Biblical stories, and music, among others) to decided which way to go. It's about as exact as saying "three handfuls of sugar", but you can make it through. Another parent suggest on a whim to keep your hand on the left side at all times. Strangely enough, a la the fabled labyrinth, it would work. Of course, it would take you over ninety minutes to do so. I got out in less than fifteen. In the end, the maze isn't necessarily my cup of tea, but being with family and friends who enjoy it is easily a worthwhile expedition.

Anyone in the near area, take a moment one year and visit the place. You'll find yourself pleasantly surprised with the whole bit. And did I say they have some really good kettle corn?

Shazam!